How do you handle fear? Ed and Deb Shapiro offer tips to make peace with your fears in the crazy world we live in.
The world is filled with fear and fighting. The news is filled with ISIS, Ebola, violent assaults and rape. That may make us feel completely powerless and unable to help, but one thing we can do is to make friends with our own fear rather than blaming others.
“We will always blame and condemn those we feel are responsible for wars and social injustice, without recognizing the degree of violence in ourselves. We must work on ourselves as well as with those we condemn if we wish to move towards peace.” Thich Nhat Hanh, nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize by Martin Luther King Jr.
When fear is in control we become irrational
Fear takes us out of the present moment and throws us into either the past or the future; it can paralyze and leave us unable to move. When fear is in control we become irrational, resistant to change and spontaneity; we get angry, defensive, hidden behind self-constructed walls of protection, which reinforces separateness, isolation and enmity. Fear makes us cling to the known while rejecting anything unknown. Unacknowledged, it can wreck havoc in our own lives and in the world around us, as seen in terrorist attacks, fighting, or forceful and abusive behavior. As long as we push away, deny, or ignore fear, it will hold us captive, keeping us emotionally frozen.
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” President Franklin D Roosevelt in his first inaugural address
However, we can turn fear around and face it, get to know it, and release resistance to it. When we acknowledge and take responsibility for our own fearful and aggressive tendencies, when we see that the enemy within is actually more harmful than the enemy without, then we have the ability to change not only our own lives but the world as well. Fearlessness is not a state of being without fear. Rather, it is the experience of fully feeling the fear, naming it, and getting to know it.
Letting fear in and making friends with it does not necessarily come easily; fear is a powerful feeling that demands understanding and patience, but by recognizing fear when it arises and just being with it, rather than reacting to it, we reduce its power. Attempting to stop or repress fear will create further resistance and tension. If fear is rising, you can use the breath to keep open, breathing consciously into your heart area while naming the fear as fear. Say it softly. Watch what happens to the body as fear tries to take hold.
Fear comes: Breathe and let go. Fear comes: See how the mind needs reassurance and tenderness. As long as you keep the body open and stay in a place of complete acceptance, it will be very hard for fear to establish itself.
Practice Meditation: Meet and Know Your Fear
Sitting quietly, breathing gently, staying open, name the fear. Keep breathing gently, with the emphasis on the out breath. Now go underneath or behind or into the center of the fear to find its source. There may be sadness, loss, inadequacy, and tenderness there. Keep going deeper, just watching and releasing. As you do this, so fear will begin to move through you without stopping, without landing. You will be able to see it, know it, and keep going beyond it.
Can you make friends with fear?
Award-Winning Authors Ed and Deb of Be The Change, How Meditation can Transform You and the World, are mindfulness, meditation and yoga experts. Deb’s new novel is: Merging: Women in Love — what happens when you fall in love with the least likely person of the least likely gender? – and she’s the author of Your Body Speaks Your Mind, now in 19 languages. They have three meditation CDs. See more at EdandDebShapiro.com.